If 2020 taught us anything, it’s that bad things can happen.
When a serious illness strikes a loved one, it can feel overwhelming to imagine telling your child. That’s only natural. We all want to shield our children from pain. But hiding the truth can do more harm than good.
Children are incredibly perceptive and adept at picking up on changes in behavior and routine – and what they imagine may be happening is often much worse than the truth.
Here are some key things to remember when talking to children about serious illness.
Consider their developmental level. When choosing how much to share with your child, consider their age, maturity and coping skills. Young children need simple, direct communication. Focus on providing comfort by reassuring them about who, how and when their needs will be met. School-agers need age-appropriate descriptions about the illness and time to process and express their questions.
Use soft language. Soft but accurate words are the goal. Describe medicine, medical equipment and treatments by focusing on how they help your loved one heal, feel more comfortable etc. Answer questions with simple answers, and don't offer more information than the child may be asking. Do not make promises about the sick individual’s health that you can't guarantee. Admitting you don't have all the answers can feel scary but ultimately builds trust.
Listen. Listening is key for understanding what a child is thinking and for correcting any misperceptions. Stick to open-ended questions and allow extra time during the day for kids to talk. Often, children are able to express their feelings best while doing other low-key activities, such as drawing, painting or while riding in the car.
Don't hide your emotions. We are all human. Don't be afraid to show emotion in front of your child. Kids learn to cope by observing the adults in their lives. It's perfectly OK to cry in front of children. "Mommy is feeling sad that Grandma is sick" is a positive way to model how to label those feelings.
Seek out a professional. Planning for tough conversations is key for approaching kids with confidence. Seek out professionals who can assist you when talking to children and provide additional information about what to expect.
Juli Chastain, MS, a mother of twins, holds a master’s degree in counseling. She has served on the education staff at The Parenting Center since June 2019.
Are you struggling with a parenting issue or concern? St Tammany Health System's Parenting Center is here to help. Call (985) 898-4435 for more information or to schedule a parent coaching appointment. Below, find some of the upcoming offerings on The Parenting Center schedule.