“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!”
It’s an old saying – but it simply isn’t true.
What is said does hurt. Even the way words are said hurts. You can very easily tear down the self-worth of a child through constant criticism and blame.
The key to healthy communication is to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your children in a manner that does not purposefully hurt them or encourage them to think less of themselves.
Below are some tips provided to you by The Parenting Center to help with teaching your young children how to communicate with respect:
- Take responsibility for your feelings. As adults, we make mistakes. We may yell more than we would like or occasionally fly off the handle. We are all capable of it. What matters is owning up to your mistakes and apologizing for it. When you mishandle a situation with your child, apologize to him or her and explain how you should have handled it.
- Use “I Statements.” These statements can focus on how “I” feel, what “I” need, or about what “I” think. For example: “I feel angry,” or “I need a hug.” A great way to use “I Statements” is to follow the following formula: “I feel (state feeling) when (describe exact behavior) because (reason for your feeling). What I want is (what you would like to see happen).”
- Use “You Statements.” These messages are about someone else. They are your perceptions of how someone else feels, about what someone else needs or about what someone else thinks. For example: “You look angry. You need a hug.” Keep in mind that your perception of your what your child is feeling might sometimes be wrong and what you are thinking they may need in that moment may not be right.
- Never blame children for making you feel a certain way. For example, “You make me so angry sometimes!”
Parenting is one of the toughest jobs and the Parenting Center is here for you. If encouraging your children is something your family is struggling with, please reach out. We are here to help. At $20, we offer Parenting Coaching by appointment, so call the Parenting Center to set up an appointment with one of our educators for guidance and assistance on how to help you create moments of encouragement within your daily lives.
Below, find some upcoming classes available. You can also learn more about the Parenting Center at StTammany.health/ParentingCenter, including a full listing of upcoming classes, activities and playgroups.
Alexis Dill, MS PLMFT, is the education coordinator at The Parenting Center.